This is by far one of the most challenging and uncertain times our nation has had to face. Literally in the blink of an eye, our lives were flipped upside down. There have been challenges in many areas of our lives — from school, travel, work to how we socialize and patronize stores. All of the sudden changes have been a lot to navigate, especially for parents. Many parents with timesharing agreements have dealt with multiple emotions while trying to navigate timesharing agreements.
How you act in the midst of a crisis will reveal how you will parent in the future.
Leaders from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) and AFCC have released guidelines for co-parenting during the COVID-19 pandemic.
1. STAY HEALTHY.
Comply with all CDC and local and state guidelines and model good behavior for your children with intensive hand washing, wiping down surfaces and other objects that are frequently touched, and maintaining social distancing. This also means BE INFORMED. Stay in touch with the most reliable media sources and avoid the rumor mill on social media.
2. STAY MINDFUL.
Be honest about the seriousness of the pandemic but maintain a calm attitude and convey to your children your belief that everything will return to normal in time. Avoid making careless comments in front of the children and exposing them to endless media coverage intended for adults. Don’t leave the news on 24/7, for instance. But, at the same time, encourage your children to ask questions and express their concerns and answer them truthfully at a level that is age-appropriate.
Most lawyers have not had to deal with a pandemic outside of Florida Hurricanes (Different Day, Different Blog). Routines and
Be understanding of schedule changes. Some parents are splitting weeks in half. Some parents are 50/50… some are 60/40... some parents have had to take a larger role due to the flexibility of their jobs.
It is very hard working at home; especially when you have kids - most schools are closed so you have to actually be actively involved.
Now is the time to work together and be understanding. If you must, you can fight later :)
3. STAY COMPLIANT [with court orders and custody agreements.]
Changes need to be in writing. Period… because some parents have trust issues
We have received several calls from parents — asking if they can refuse to send the children to the other parent’s home right now.
The simple answer is that parents have to follow their court orders. If there is a true emergency or genuine reason related to health — the courts are not blind that in some cases, following the court orders is unsafe for the children. Many courts are having virtual hearings to address these matters and some courts are unable to hear cases on this issue right now because the court system is still trying to establish its own response to the coronavirus.
The general response from Judges around multiple jurisdictions is that you should follow the court order. Although, it is hard to say what a No one knows what judges are going to say when parents refuse to follow orders in cases where the other household is very high risk or has an infected person in the household, but I don’t think judges will be rigid about court orders in those high-risk cases.
Don’t risk exposing your kids to COVID-19 just to enforce the custody schedule.
As much as possible, try to avoid reinventing the wheel despite the unusual circumstances. The custody agreement or court order exists to prevent endless fighting over the details of timesharing. In some states there are even standing orders mandating that, if schools are closed, custody agreements should remain in force as though school were still in session.
4. STAY CREATIVE.
Lots of unexpected changes have occurred which is going to require parents to get their creative juices flowing when it comes to entertainment and communication. Families are being advised not to fly and told not to visit vacation attractions such as amusement parks, museums and entertainment venues. In addition, some parents will have to work extra hours to help deal with the crisis and other parents may be out of work or working reduced hours for a time. Plans will inevitably have to change. Encourage closeness with the parent who is not going to see the child through shared books, movies, games and FaceTime or Skype.
Encourage your children to give lots of virtual hugs and kisses when they are not with the other parent.
5. STAY TRANSPARENT.
When I think of transparency — I immediately think about the word communication. During this time, it is especially important that both parties communicate with each other about issues they are having. Specifically, how you want to deal with the issues that may arise such schedule changes, sickness, timesharing, health practices and any other matters that may cause you concern. Additionally, provide honest information to your co-parent about any suspected or confirmed exposure to the virus, and try to agree on what steps each of you will take to protect the child from exposure. Certainly both parents should be informed at once if the child is exhibiting any possible symptoms of the virus. If you and your kids have been exposed to the virus, be considerate of your ex, share the information and, if possible, keep the children until you’re sure they are not sick or carriers.
6. STAY GENEROUS.
Try to provide makeup time to the parent who missed out, if at all possible. Family law judges expect reasonable accommodations when they can be made and will take seriously concerns raised in later filings about parents who are inflexible in highly unusual circumstances.
7. STAY UNDERSTANDING.
This is the time to be super flexible and accommodating. If you are one of those parents that are used to fixed schedules and routines, you are going to have to chill. All of predictable plans and schedules are out the door.
There is no doubt that the pandemic will pose an economic hardship and lead to lost earnings for many, many parents, both those who are paying child support and those who are receiving child support. The parent who is paying should try to provide something, even if it can’t be the full amount. The parent who is receiving payments should try to be accommodating under these challenging and temporary circumstances.
Adversity can become an opportunity for parents to come together and focus on what is best for the child. For many children, the strange days of the pandemic will leave vivid memories. It’s important for every child to know and remember that both parents did everything they could to explain what was happening and to keep their child safe.
Your children are watching how you act and react during this difficult time, please be a good example.
